Karen Kyte - Photographer / Cancer Survivor

Too Much Information | Halifax, NS, Photographer

2012-01-10T20:49:00.000-04:00

I've been known to occasionally share too much information, usually by mistake. I blurt something out, I pause, I groan, I stammer, "Oh, I shouldn't have said that."

But today I thought I'd share too much information on purpose, random bits of me that usually make no sense.

It's been noted (by guys) that girls always go to the washroom together. True, so we can talk about boys. But... I don't ever want to have a conversation with anyone in the next stall. Ever. It's just awkward.
I never eat the last bite of my banana.
I once had a dog named Too.
I can moonwalk. For real.
No, I won't show you.

I guarantee that once I hit publish, I will pause, I will groan, I will stammer, "Oh I shouldn't have said that."

...Kare

email: karenk{at}eastlink.ca

website: http://www.karenkyte.com

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Isn't Cancer Supposed to Be Life-Changing? | Halifax, NS, Breast Cancer Survivor

2012-01-07T10:55:00.000-04:00

At least, isn't that what you hear? People have cancer, they survive, and they discover they weren't living their life's dream, that they're only human and the end could come at any time, that they need to kick things up a notch. And then they do. They kick it up, they live their dream, they change things and make it better.

I sit here, more than a year after being diagnosed. Living the exact same life I had before diagnosis, wondering where my change is. I know that I've come through this incredible thing, that I've beat this cancer, but ohmyGod I need to be living my dream! It's in my head every day. And I know my cancer journey is not over... I need to be checked regularly, the breast cancer could come back, a new cancer could come, I could be hit by a bus; at any time, I could be facing my immortality once again. So where is my change?? Why am I living the same life I was living before cancer? I want excitement. I want to inspire people and share my story. I want to change someone else's life. I want to live the dream!

But then I realized... my life has changed.

Before I found the lump, Jason and I were just starting to fall in love. When tragedy strikes, it brings people together. We would most certainly have created a bond regardless, but cancer cemented it in record time.

I feel more closely connected to my family and friends. My blog and facebook updates were cathartic for me during treatments. I needed to share my story with my peeps. And they read, they commented, they lifted me up. A year later and I'm still sharing, they're still commenting, and still lifting me up. I feel more connected to the people around me, me sharing with them and them sharing with me. Surrounding yourself with good people is important and I feel like I've hit the lottery with that one.

Have I changed someone else's life? I doubt it, not yet. But I aim to do that, to keep plugging away at what I'm doing, to make someone else's cancer struggle just a little easier, to make someone else's life struggle just a little lighter. Not knowing if I've had an impact on anyone else just inspires me to keep at it, maybe it will be years down the road, or maybe, just maybe, it's small changes for lots of people. Who knows how any one of us impacts another?

I don't feel like I'm "living the dream" just yet, but I know I am happy. Deliriously, joyously happy. That is my change. The dream, the excitement, they will come, but the happiness? That is the win.

...Kare

email: karenk{at}eastlink.ca

website: http://www.karenkyte.com

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My Grandparents Were Mortified

2012-01-03T19:48:00.000-04:00

If you know me, you know I love french fries. Fries with ketchup, with mayo, with vinegar, with fish, with a burger, with a good steak.

I love McDonald's french fries, I love Burger King french fries only when they are covered in cheese curds and gravy, I won't order Jack Astor's fries, and I looooove Montana's sweet potato fries.

You get my point, right?

My obsession started early in life, but there was an incident...

We were living overseas, I would have been about four years old. Look how cute I am, I would never cause a problem...

Mom's parents came over for a visit. I loved having them there. I heard years later that Nanny was enthralled to hear all the German children jabbering away outside our apartment only to discover that I was out there jabbering away in German with them. She had no idea I had picked up the language so quickly.

While they were visiting, we took a trip to visit some clients of my grandfather's. Grampa was a laywer and this was a pretty big client - he was a doctor who owned a hospital. Owned it. We stayed with the doctor and his family, swimming in their indoor pool, and dining outdoors overlooking their mountain. It was all so fancy and I'm sure we were told to be on our best behavior.

The doctor took us all in to his hospital for a tour. The dining room was closed, but he insisted we stay for lunch. I remember a fancy room with linen tablecloths. This was a dining room, not a cafeteria, for sure. The orders are placed... til it's my turn. I want pommes frites (french fries). "But Karen, honey, they don't have pommes frites here, let's find something else."

"No. I want pommes frites!" And with that, I flung myself across my seat and repeated it. "I want pommes frites! I want pommes frites!"

The kind doctor discreetly waved over one of his runners and requested he drive into town and fetch the adorable child some pommes frites. I'm quite certain he would not have used the word adorable, though.

I'm also quite certain that in this moment my grandparents were mortified. I'm sure they'd be thrilled to know that was the only time I caused a scene at dinner...

...Kare

email: karenk{at}eastlink.ca

website: http://www.karenkyte.com

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December 22, 2011 | Halifax, NS, Breast Cancer Survivor

2011-12-22T05:45:00.002-04:00

One year later...

Cancer, I kicked your ass.

Booyah!

...Kare

email: karenk{at}eastlink.ca

website: http://www.karenkyte.com

Facebook

My Happy Place | Halifax, NS, Breast Cancer Survivor

2011-12-10T21:50:00.000-04:00

My day wasn't going so well. I needed to mentally escape. I wiped the tears away and laid my head in my hands. "Go to your happy place, go to your happy place," I said to myself.

I instantly went to that day on the beach. We were spontaneous, which is so not like either of us. I was in the midst of radiation, and with the end of treatment in sight I was in good spirits. I changed out of my hospital gown and into my skirt. It was a gorgeous spring day that called for flip flops. We left the hospital, hopped into the car, and decided to just do it - let's hit the beach. Because we can.

We took off our shoes and walked hand in hand. There were very few people around and we felt like we had the beach all to ourselves. We talked about how lucky we were. Lucky to have found each other, lucky to be getting through treatment, lucky to have this day. We took our time and enjoyed each others company. We stopped and took pictures to help us remember, and I'm so glad we did.

My heart remembers the peace, the joy, the contentment.

This is my happy place.

...Kare

email: karenk{at}eastlink.ca

website: http://www.karenkyte.com

Facebook

Mom

2011-12-05T22:20:00.000-04:00

I've always known that I was lucky, that I have a great Mom, that she's strong and funny, that she could do anything, that she would do anything.

But until my diagnosis I didn't really get it, I didn't see the whole picture. It's as though my diagnosis opened my eyes and turned the lights on.

Now I see this incredible woman who can get through anything... and will do it with a smile, a joke, and love. It makes me sad that I didn't fully get it til now, that I wasn't always the easiest person to live with, that I took her for granted.

But I'm so glad that I get to tell her now!

I love you, Mom. Happy Birthday! And thanks for being you... and for putting up with me. I'm sorry for the teen years and, sadly, for the ones that followed. Thanks for the love and support you give every single day. Thanks for the encouragement. Thanks for being proof that we can get through it and be thankful.

I'm thankful for you.

xoxo

...Kare

email: karenk{at}eastlink.ca

website: http://www.karenkyte.com

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Mom's Chili | Halifax, NS

2011-11-12T21:01:00.001-04:00

Since Jason likes my chili, I've made it a few times - and it is a hit! Chili is chili, I'm sure every recipe is pretty similar but since we really like Mom's chili recipe, I thought I'd share...

Ingredients:

2 Cups chopped onions

3/4 Cup green pepper

2 lbs ground beef

1 - 28 oz can red kidney beans (I usually use two of the smaller cans, rinsed)

2 - 19 oz can tomatoes (we like the Italian stewed tomatoes, sometimes I throw in an extra can just for fun)

1 small can tomato paste

3 tbsp chili powder

1 tsp salt

1/2 tsp pepper

2 tbsp vinegar

1 tsp each: garlic powder, marjoram, oregano, cumin, red cayenne powder (I don't measure any of the spices, I just shake til I think it's good)

Brown onions, peppers, and beef (pour off excess fat). While I'm doing that on the stove, I throw everything else into the slow cooker. Add onions, peppers, and beef to the slow cooker once they're cooked and let it all simmer for four hours (good luck with that - we usually start testing it after an hour).

xoxo

...Kare

email: karenk{at}eastlink.ca

website: http://www.karenkyte.com

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I Know He Loves Me | Halifax, NS, Breast Cancer Survivor

2011-11-09T19:47:00.000-04:00

If there were ever any doubt about his love for me, it was put to rest when I was sick. He held me when I was scared, he checked my wounds, he soothed my soul. Somewhere in the middle of my cancer journey I realized it.

He really does love me.

He tells me so every day. Every single day. He tells me. Then he shows me. It's in the little things he does and the little things he says. It's in him being himself. He gets goofy with me. He plays. He makes faces. He makes me laugh. Every day. And I know... he is completely himself, completely trusting, completely here with me. One hundred per cent.

He really does love me.

xoxo

...Kare

email: karenk{at}eastlink.ca

website: http://www.karenkyte.com

Facebook

Life on the Hill | Sydney, NS

2011-11-02T23:29:00.000-03:00

My great uncle, John, passed away last week. He was the last surviving member of his family and his passing marks the end of an era for our family. You see, they were a family of five boys who spent their lives living in spitting distance from one another. Can you imagine spending ninety years with your brother living next door, and your other brother living next door to him, and your other brother living next door to him, and your other brother living across the street?

The brothers had two sisters, Alice and Ellen, who both passed away before they were adults. My grandfather's mother must have been a strong, strong woman - she lost her two girls and her husband and she continued on and raised her five boys.

The boys all built homes and families of their own on Kyte's Hill. I think now of their lives, their stories, their memories, what life must have been like for them. We have their photos and memories of the stories we've heard, but I wish we had more. More time, more memories, more moments to take it all in and remember it.

Life will never be the same on the hill.

Hug the ones you're with, capture your love with a photo, write down your stories - write down their stories.

xoxo

...Kare

email: karenk{at}eastlink.ca

website: http://www.karenkyte.com

Facebook

I Let the Cat Out of the Bag | Halifax, NS

2011-11-01T23:33:00.000-03:00

I don't cook. Jason moved in a year and a half ago and he does most of the cooking. Most? All. When it's my turn to cook, we go out for dinner.

Awhile ago, Jason starting talking about chili. Meh, I can make chili. I mean, I have made chili... once. You want it, I'll make it for you. One cold Saturday evening, I threw everything into the slowcooker and made us some fantastic chili. It was so good, I made it a couple of weeks later, too.

Jason gave it a ten out of ten!

I was feeling domestic tonight and made an old family favourite - Carole's Chicken. This one only scored a 7.5. :-( Maybe scoring my cooking wasn't such a good idea after all.

But, crap - now Jason knows I can cook. Well, he knows I can cook chili and chicken. I didn't think this through very well... I'm going to have to hide my cookbook!

:-)

...Kare

email: karenk{at}eastlink.ca

website: http://www.karenkyte.com

Facebook

Dear Tamoxifen... | Halifax, NS, Breast Cancer Survivor

2011-10-17T23:21:00.001-03:00

We've been seeing each other for a little over four months now. Once a day, every day, just before bed. I was hopeful we'd have a good relationship, nice and easy. But now we've gone over the line and turned a corner. Our casual relationship has turned into a love/hate relationship.

There have been changes since we've started seeing each other. They were subtle, not all at once. There are the hot flashes. Luckily, they have been few and far between. I don't sleep well, but then I didn't sleep well before you came along - thank God (and my doctor) for little blue pills that help with that. I'm still tired - is that you? I don't know any more.

Then there are the mood swings. They're no picnic - for me or for Jason; luckily, he gives me the space I need and is there to pick me up when I'm ready for it.

I was warned about your side effects. I was hopeful, though. And I'm still optimistic that this is it, that you won't become burdensome. Time will tell.

On the upside, you reduce my risk of recurrence by up to 50%. You win.

...Kare

email: karenk{at}eastlink.ca

website: http://www.karenkyte.com

Facebook

Dear Blog... | Halifax, NS

2011-10-13T20:07:00.000-03:00

I'm sorry I've neglected you. I'll be back soon, I promise.

xoxo

...Kare

email: karenk{at}eastlink.ca

website: http://www.karenkyte.com

Facebook

I Picture Hope - Giving Back | Halifax, NS, Breast Cancer Photographer

2011-10-04T21:51:00.000-03:00

Getting a breast cancer diagnosis is such a scary time with so many thoughts, fears, and emotions. I don't think you can imagine it unless you've been through it. At least I couldn't imagine it til I heard the words myself. Fear and denial are big ones, you've got to go through them before you get to strength, courage, and hope.

While I was going through the early days, I dealt with fear a lot. Fear of the unknown. Fear of surgery. Fear of treatments. Fear of changes I'd go through. Before my surgery, the one thing I wanted was a photoshoot. I felt it was important because I didn't know what was to come... surgery, chemo, radiation, who knows what else. And I wanted to remember what I was like in that moment, full of fear and on the cusp of gathering my courage for what was to come.

And now, here I am ten months later. I'm here to tell you that you can have strength, you can have courage, and you can have hope. And I'd like to help you see that. If you're going through treatments or are, like me, a survivor I'd like the chance to give you the photoshoot I so desperately wanted. To remind you of who you are right now.

My friend Camille Denae has gathered up photographers around the world, photographers ready to help remind those going through breast cancer treatments or those who have survived that there is hope. I Picture Hope is here for you. If you're in Halifax or the surrounding areas going through treatments (or have finished treatments) and would like to talk about a photoshoot, drop me a line, let's talk. If you're visiting from away, check out the I Picture Hope facebook page and find a photographer in your neck of the woods.

xoxo

...Kare

email: karenk{at}eastlink.ca

website: http://www.karenkyte.com

Facebook

Cancer Sucks | Halifax, NS, Breast Cancer Survivor

2011-09-24T09:42:00.000-03:00

As I was getting ready for work a few days ago, my mind flashed back to the date of diagnosis. My heart raced and my eyes watered. Why? Why am I thinking about that today? Ah, it was the 22nd... the monthiversary of my diagnosis. It's been nine months, surely I won't think about it on the 22nd of each and every month. Good God, enough is enough.

As I realized why I was thinking about my diagnosis, my thoughts turned to my Mom. She's at the stage I was in February - her surgery is done, she's healing, and is waiting to find out what treatments she's going to need. Waiting. Waiting. Waiting. Waiting sucks, too, by the way. But Mom handles it with courage and grace - and big heaping of "let's get 'er done" attitude.

I feel as though I were a puddle of mush during my cancer journey and I am in awe of my mother and the way she deals with hers. Where it seemed like days before I even left the house after my surgery, she was raring to go. It's true we each handle diagnosis and treatment our own way, no one can dictate how we should think or feel, or what we should do. But if you're going through what Mom and I had to go through, I wish you strength. I wish you courage. I wish you hope. And I wish you a big ol' heaping of "just get 'er done" attitude. It's a good thing.

...Kare

email: karenk{at}eastlink.ca

website: http://www.karenkyte.com

Facebook

United Way | Halifax, NS

2011-09-22T08:41:00.001-03:00

The annual United Way campaign is in full force at my day job. We spent our lunchtime yesterday playing "Minute to Win It."

Teams had to perform a task in under 60 seconds.

They had to get all the balls from one bottle to the other:

They had to stack cups, then unstack them:

They had to stack three golf balls - I don't think anyone got this one!

Just some of the fun and games we had today to promote the United Way campaign - remember, you only have another couple of days to pledge.

...Kare

email: karenk{at}eastlink.ca

website: http://www.karenkyte.com

Facebook

Talking Shop | Halifax, NS, Photographer

2011-09-17T11:27:00.000-03:00

I spend a lot of time blogstalking. Blogstalking - regularly reading someone's blog - is common among photographers. There's a number of fabulous photogs out there who are willing to share their knowledge, whether it be about equipment, posing, or how to run your business. In the beginning, I visited their blogs regularly to gain some knowledge and inspiration, but now I visit the blogs to see how they are. They've become friends and mentors and I love the glimpses into their lives.

I sometimes share stories from the blogs with Jason. He humours me, listens, and then we talk about something else. Does he pay attention? No, it's not usually something that interests him so he lets me talk then we move on. Or so I thought...

A few weeks ago, I was blah blah blah'ing about something I wanted to try out. He questioned me about it and I said, "well that's what Justin and Mary do! Oh wait, you don't know who Justin and Mary are." He looked me in the eye and defiantly said, "Yes I do - justinmarantz.com."

He does pay attention. I didn't know.

Thus began a change in our conversations. He has an interest that I didn't know was there. Now he starts the conversations, he has input into what I do, he reads the blogs. We bandy about names during dinner conversations as though we're talking about people we see every day: "Justin and Mary did this..." or "Jasmine did that..."

Not only is it much more fun to talk shop now, it's more interesting. And who knew, the boy actually has some good ideas. Now, we'll see if I can teach him to shoot, too...

xoxo

...Kare

email: karenk{at}eastlink.ca

website: http://www.karenkyte.com

Facebook

I Will Eat Cake | Dartmouth, NS, Birthday Photography

2011-09-16T23:04:00.001-03:00

It's not a secret... I like cake. Who doesn't? That's rhetorical, because it's cake and everyone loves it. Trust me. I believe it is my duty as your photographer to try your cake. So I can gush about it and blog about how good it was. Really.

The one thing I promise is that I won't look like this when I'm done...

This cake, by the way, was one of the best I've had in a long time. It was made with love by a family friend, but little Owen didn't really care about that, he was all over it, shared it with his girlfriends and then went into a little cake coma.

I saved my cake coma for after I left the party. :-)

...Kare

email: karenk{at}eastlink.ca

website: http://www.karenkyte.com

Facebook

Elton John | Sydney, NS

2011-09-14T20:59:00.001-03:00

There he was, up on stage, just him and his piano. He was so far away, but it was Elton - it didn’t matter how little he appeared, I was thrilled to be there.

He played to a packed house of 6,600; a smaller venue for him, I’m sure. The crowd at Centre 200 was typically Canadian – polite and appreciative. Don’t get me wrong, there were a lot of standing ovations and loud applause, but nothing too overt. Elton was also appreciative – standing between songs and bowing to the different sections of the arena.

He was on stage for over two and half hours. Just him and his piano. He doesn’t just play his piano, he plays!!!!!!! There were lots of long musical intros to songs where we saw his hands dance across the keys on the big screen. On and on and on – my hands get tired after a couple of hours holding my camera, I can’t imagine his after a night on stage.

And the songs. He played them all – some new, lots of oldies, and some I hadn’t heard before. Rocket Man, Daniel, Candle in the Wind, Don’t Let the Sun Go Down on Me, Bennie and the Jets, Circle of Life, they were all in there.

While there was lots of singing and piano playing, there wasn’t a lot of conversation with the audience. I expected more witty banter, but while he introduced a few songs with stories, some just a line or two, mostly he sang and played.

As he introduced The Ballad of the Boy in Red Shoes, he spoke of the AIDS epidemic. He spoke of his friend, Ryan White, who contracted the disease in the early 1980s through a blood transfusion. He spoke of the US government’s lack of involvement in the disease up to that point. “Fuck ‘em,” he said. He reminded the audience of the local AIDS organization, AIDS Coalition of Cape Breton, and encouraged us to support it.

As he neared the end of the show, Elton talked about forgiveness and being kind to one another, of living together in peace. Then he closed the show with Circle of Life and Can You Feel the Love Tonight? We sure could feel the love, Elton – it was fantastic, I hope you could feel it from the audience, we loved it.

...Kare

email: karenk{at}eastlink.ca

website: http://www.karenkyte.com

Facebook

Thankful for... My Wedding Team | Halifax, NS, Wedding Photographer

2011-09-05T00:50:00.001-03:00

None of us, including me, ever do great things.
But we can all do small things, with great love, and together we can do something wonderful.
Mother Teresa

I put together a team for Kathleen and Brett's wedding. My team, just in case. I was all set to shoot the wedding, but then I got my diagnosis and everything that was clear became unclear. What if I have chemo, what if I'm sick, what if, what if, what if... So we prepared. With full approval of my wonderful bride and groom, I planned.

My friend, Mary Kelly, was already set to shoot the wedding with me. Luckily, another friend, Cassie MacGregor, jumped on board and we were good to go. I planned for if I were sick or if I were healthy, there was nothing left to chance. Happily, chemo was not a necessity and Mary, Cassie, and I all shot Kathleen and Brett's wedding together.

I'm thankful for the strengths we each brought to the wedding, for our teamwork, and for having friends who also happen to be fab photogs, too.

...together we can do something wonderful.

...Kare
email: karenk{at}eastlink.ca
website: http://www.karenkyte.com
Facebook

We breathed a collective sigh... | Sydney, NS, Breast Cancer Treatment

2011-08-31T22:33:00.003-03:00

We paced, the three of us. We had been sitting and waiting for hours and we could sit no longer. Mom was in surgery and Dad, Lori, and I waited. We had Jason and Gary (Lori's husband) waiting with us, but we finally left them in the waiting area and the three of us paced, waiting for the doctor.

Mom was diagnosed a month ago. Just as I was getting the all clear from my oncologist, she was getting the news that she once again had breast cancer. She and I sat last night and discussed our surgeries, mine from six months ago and hers from 24 years ago, about how well we got through them, and about how well she would get through this one.

Deep inside, though, we all harboured our fears. And today we paced. Finally, after what seemed like an eternity, the doctor appeared to tell us everything went just as planned, she was waking up, was in just a little pain, but she was doing great. And there was a collective sigh of relief, some tears, and lots of hugs.

It was another couple of hours before we got to see her, but as they wheeled her toward me she waved and smiled. The nurses settled her into her own room, she had a satisfying dinner, and is getting some rest tonight after a very long day.

*Sigh*

Thanks for the prayers and good thoughts - we are strong believers in the power of prayer and positive thinking and we are so thankful for so many of you who were thinking of us today.
xoxo

...Kare
email: karenk{at}eastlink.ca
website: http://www.karenkyte.com/
Facebook

Kathleen and Brett - The Ten Minute Rule | Halifax, NS, Wedding Photographer

2011-08-28T11:47:00.000-03:00

My fab photog friends, Justin & Mary Marantz, are sharers. They share business ideas, posing tips, equipment information. You name it, they share it. I found their blog a few years ago and follow it religiously... I blogstalk them daily. In the photography world, that is a-okay.

I've gotten so many tips from Justin & Mary, but I think my favourite is the Ten Minute Rule - immediately following the ceremony, Justin & Mary get the bride and groom all to themselves for ten minutes. In reality, this gives the bride and groom a few minutes to breathe, to let it sink it, to have an "ahhhhhhhhh we're married!!!" moment.

Kathleen and Brett's Ten Minute Rule wasn't ten minutes, but it was amazing. It lasted as long as they needed it to last. There was no posing, no direction, just time for them to be in the moment, to be together, and it was perfect.

*sigh*

...Kare
email: karenk{at}eastlink.ca
website: http://www.karenkyte.com
Facebook

Kathleen and Brett - We're Going to the Chapel | Halifax, NS, Wedding Photographer

2011-08-25T21:47:00.002-03:00

Kathleen and Brett's ceremony was at St. Thomas Aquinas Church in Halifax. It's such a pretty church and I just found out that it's the same church that my mom was baptized in.

The guys sneak in the side door and head to the back room...

Kathleen is most definitely a Daddy's Little Girl; her face lights up when she talks about him.
During his speech later that evening, he spoke of the moments before they walked down the aisle,

of the nerves his daughter had, of how he told her to just hang on tight.

...Kare
email: karenk{at}eastlink.ca
website: http://www.karenkyte.com
Facebook

Am I A Photographer? | Halifax, NS

2011-08-25T08:26:00.001-03:00

...or more to the point, do I want to be a photographer? That has been the question in my mind since I was diagnosed with cancer last December.

Once diagnosed, i stopped shooting. Cold. I didn't want anything to do with photography at all. Perhaps I just needed a break, but I was no longer eating, breathing, sleeping photography. I snuggled in and got myself well (well... me, my team, and hordes of medical professionals did that!). And I still didn't shoot. I wasn't feeling it. I didn't lose my love for it, just my passion and desire. Maybe I'm not meant to do this, or maybe I'm just not meant to do this any more.

So I waited. I shot a little, and it was okay, but I still wasn't ready. So I waited some more. I had committed to a few things, so I shot them. I enjoyed them and had fun, but still no passion. I kept pushing back my return to work date - ahhhhh, I'll be back at in July! Hmmmmm, maybe August. Mid-September, for sure. Each time, I assumed the passion would return and I would be ready.

But the doubts got deeper and stronger.

Cancer is a life changer. A goal changer. Good or bad, it changes you. I expected it to make me realize I need to live the life I dream of living, of capturing people's lives, of embracing the moment, and living life to the fullest. Of course, it's a reminder that life is fleeting and you have to make the most of it.

But I lost my passion along the way. I lost it and began to think cancer was my reminder to snuggle in and spend more time with my loved ones, to live a quiet, normal life. Safe. On my own schedule.

And then I shot Kathleen and Brett's wedding. It was fun, it was hectic, it was a long day - and I loved it. Kathleen and Brett are friends and were a joy to spend the day with. Their wedding party and families were beyond amazing. I had Cassie, Mary, and Jason with me, backing me up. It was perfect. But still, not a life changing moment for me. Not yet.

Last night, as I was going through their images, it hit me. I love capturing love. Love it! I don't shoot a lot of weddings, but I have had amazing brides who took a chance on me and let me do what I love. It scares me, but I can't imagine not doing it. And my cancer life changer - maybe it just means that I can live this crazy life but I should enjoy it, too! I should step back once in awhile and take it all in, be with the people I love, and live a good, fullfilling life.

...Kare
email: karenk{at}eastlink.ca
website: http://www.karenkyte.com
Facebook

Kathleen and Brett - the Guys Hang Out | Halifax, NS, Wedding Photographer

2011-08-24T21:12:00.000-03:00

The process for the guys getting ready was a little different from the girls - there was no hair appointment, no flowers needing ribbon, no makeup to apply. Things were just a little simpler. Since I couldn't be in two places at once, my friends Cassie and Mary got to hang out with the boys.

It seems there was a little golf...

And a lot of posing...

Such a good lookin bunch - I'm jealous I didn't get to hang out with them myself.

...Kare
email: karenk{at}eastlink.ca
website: http://www.karenkyte.com
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Kathleen and Brett - the Girls Get Ready | Halifax, NS, Wedding Photographer

2011-08-24T11:44:00.000-03:00

Kathleen and Brett's wedding on Saturday was beyond amazing and I am excited to share snippets of it with you.

First up, the girls get their done at Illusions Hair Salon in Dartmouth...

Kathleen's brand new nephew sent good wishes...

A comforting hug from her sister...

Then it's back to mom's for the last minute details...

Can you feel the excitement as we get ready to leave?

...Kare
email: karenk{at}eastlink.ca
website: http://www.karenkyte.com
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Men Are From Mars | Halifax, NS, Wedding Photographer

2011-08-23T08:36:00.002-03:00

We all know how different men and women are, how it takes women three hours to get ready for their wedding and it takes men about five minutes. Kathleen and Brett were no different...

Photo by Mary Kelly

...Kare
email: karenk{at}eastlink.ca
website: http://www.karenkyte.com
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Kathleen and Brett | Halifax, NS, Wedding Photographer

2011-08-13T12:04:00.001-03:00

I see the posts on his wall. He proclaims his love for her and his excitement about their upcoming wedding. He counts down the days til he gets to marry the love of his life. Just seven more to go.

She is my pod mate, sitting only a few feet away from me. I see her excitement when he calls and I hear her whispered goodbyes... "I love you, Babe."

Yesterday, she and I talked about their upcoming wedding day. We talked about the particulars and how the day would flow. "I don't care, in the end I just want to be married to him." Sigh. That's what it's all about and they are both so excited for their marriage, to be together as one. And so it shall be... next week they will pledge their love to each other in front of their friends and family.

A peek at some of Kathleen and Brett's engagement photos, shot on a cccccold day in Bayer's Lake, a windy evening at Lawrencetown Beach, then on to a relaxing set at Porter's Lake.

Kathleen and Brett, I cannot wait til next Saturday, to capture your love and excitement at being husband and wife.
I am honoured to be able to spend the day with you.

Mad love,

...Kare
email: karenk{at}eastlink.ca
website: http://www.karenkyte.com
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A Wish | Halifax, NS

2011-08-11T11:34:00.001-03:00

Someone somewhere made a wish for me. Maybe it was me, long ago and far away, a young girl, eyes closed tight, wishing, wishing, wishing while blowing out birthday candles.

Maybe it was my parents when they brought me home from the hospital, so teeny with my whole life ahead of me.

I don't know who it was but I'm certain somebody somewhere made a wish for me. They must have wished for me to find someone to love, someone who loves me, someone who just wants me to be happy, someone so perfect for me. They must have wished for me to find you.

Wishes do come true and I'm so glad someone made this wish for me.

xoxo

...Kare
email: karenk{at}eastlink.ca
website: http://www.karenkyte.com
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Shoebox Photos | Halifax, NS

2011-08-06T10:36:00.000-03:00

I know you have one of those, a shoebox full of old photos. I have several. So does my mom. I usually haul out one of the boxes, forgetting what's in there, wanting to purge. Instead, my face lights up, I sit cross-legged on the floor and I gently pull picture after picture out of the box. Oh, the memories contained in that little box, the pictures of people I love, bringing a tear from the memories of a time long ago.

I go through each one. With some, I remember the occasion; with others, I don't remember the day, just the stories I've heard about it. Mixed in with the photos are mementos - napkins or matches from a friend's wedding, birth announcements, newspaper clippings, reminders of special days.

I sigh and smile.

The pictures go back in the box; the box goes back on the shelf with a lingering touch, hoping to hold on to the memories a little longer.

...Kare

email: karenk{at}eastlink.ca

website: http://www.karenkyte.com

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You Inspire Me | Halifax, NS, Breast Cancer Survivor

2011-08-04T12:41:00.001-03:00

Since my diagnosis, people tell me how strong and inspiring I am. Do they really think I'm that strong? I brush it off - I do what anyone going through this would do. You just get it done.

But I look around at the women in my life and I see strength and inspiration. I see it everywhere.

My mom tops the list of women who inspire me. She is truly an amazing woman, she deals with life head on - with humor, grace, and strength. Your husband gets posted overseas? No problem, you pack up your three small children, move overseas, and have an adventure. Cancer diagnosis? Cancer schmancer - bring it. Do what you've got to do and move on. In every aspect of her life, she just deals and moves on.

Then I look around at the other women in my life and I see more strength and inspiration. Women who are raising their children. They're dealing with illness. They are someone's support system. They're dealing with loss and separation. They're single-parenting. They're making someone's struggle easier. They step out of their comfort zone. They move across the country or around the world. Something big or something little, they just get it done.

If you tell them how amazing they are, they'll brush it off. They'll tell you they're just doing what needs to be done. And their strength inspires me.

But it's you I'm talking about. You are one of the women in my life. You. Strong, powerful, inspiring. Don't ever forget it or brush it off. Your strength inspires the people around you. Believe it. Believe in yourself. You are amazing.

...Kare

email: karenk{at}eastlink.ca

website: http://www.karenkyte.com

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Good Morning | Halifax, NS

2011-07-30T11:49:00.000-03:00

I rub my eyes, roll over, and shield my eyes from the window light and look at the clock. It's much too early. I hear the rain outside and pull the blanket up a little higher. I'm awake, I should get up. I walk quickly to the living room, careful not to wake Jason. He'll sleep awhile longer so I plan to busy myself at the computer. As I settle into the computer chair, my hand reaches for the mouse to stop the screen saver.

I look up and smile. I'm greeted with a note left from the night before...

Loved - it's the best way to wake up.

...Kare

email: karenk{at}eastlink.ca

website: http://www.karenkyte.com

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Who Turned Up the Heat? | Halifax, NS Breast Cancer Survivor

2011-07-27T18:53:00.001-03:00

We sat in the cafeteria, catching up on the past few days. We had had lunch together daily until I started my treatments. Since I've headed back to work, Dy and I haven't had the opportunity to catch up over lunch, but today we jumped at the chance. We talked about work, her kids, life in general.

Then I felt it. The warmth. All over. It can't be that warm in here, I thought, we're in an air-conditioned building. In a moment I stopped listening, curious as to what was happening. Suddenly, my arm felt clammy and it dawned on me. Dear God, I think I'm having my first hot flash! I said it out loud.

Dy smiled a knowing smile. She's been there. For her, a side effect of chemo; for me, it's likely a side effect of Tamoxifen.

I started taking Tamoxifen in June, once I had finished my radiation treatments. It's one pill that I take every day. There are lots of side effects to be on the look out for, some not pleasant, but I trust my oncologist's opinion that the good outweighs the bad.

I remember years ago when Mom was having her hot flashes. We all sat at the dining room table, Mom's roast beef and mashed potatoes piled high, plates passed around as we each served ourselves... peas, carrots, gravy. Suddenly, Mom jumps up from her chair and leaves the room. She darts around the corner and we hear the door to the garage open. Ahhhhhh, it dawns on us... another hot flash. We laugh, not able to sympathize. Moments later, Mom returns. Her cheeks are flushed, but she smiles, picks up her fork, and continues her meal.

My hot flash was slight, hopefully they will all be so easy. As I cooled off, Dy and I finished our meals, sharing stories now consisting of work, her kids, life in general, and cancer.

...Kare

email: karenk{at}eastlink.ca

website: http://www.karenkyte.com

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Trash the Dress - Krista, Part 2 | Halifax, NS, Wedding Photographer

2011-07-25T06:31:00.001-03:00

As you saw earlier, my friend, Krista, and I were off on an adventure, looking to trash her dress. We drove around Sambro, stopping any time either of us saw something that caught our eye.

Lobster traps, anyone?

Next up we had a little fun with Krista's Jeep, stopping along the side of the road, having a little damsel in distress moment...

We had parked across the street from someone's house. We must have piqued their curiosity as they watched from the window.

Our next stop took us to the beach. Well, sort of. We headed to Crystal Crescent Beach but it was packed! One of the hottest days of the summer will do that. We turned onto the dirt road that leads to the beach and cars were lined up, not able to get anywhere. We turned the Jeep around and continued our adventure.

Our goal was to get the dress wet! Access to the ocean was limited, but we found a path. Or so we thought. Park the car, gather our gear and trudge through the forest.

We knew we were close, we could hear the ocean and children's laughter. But there we stood in the midst of the trees, she in her dress, me with my gear, and we looked at each other, then looked around, and realized right here is perfect. And we got down to business.

The moss was so soft and spongy, Krista said it was softer than a bed.

Still we went in search of water. We live along the ocean, it shouldn't be hard to find. Apparently it was just hard to get to.

We finally spotted something on the side of the road, a little opening in the trees, a path perhaps? We stopped the car and weighed our options. Sure, we found water, but it's not going to be easy to get to. There was no path, just a little cliff that we'd have to maneuver down. Krista's braver than I, so she went down first. As I followed, she turned to me, "Um, Karen, there are people here." Having a birthday party, apparently. Oh dear, we're here now, let's just do it.

As she walked into the water, we heard a little voice ask, "Mommy, why is that lady getting into the water with her dress on?" We never did hear the explanation.

You can see the party-goers in the background, on the deck, watching, wondering what the heck we were up to...

Such a fun fun day for both of us. If you have a prom or wedding dress and want some fun pictures, let me know. You can trash it as much or as little as you want. If you don't want to trash it, we can just rock it out and get fashion shots. Still fun, though!

...Kare

email: karenk{at}eastlink.ca

website: http://www.karenkyte.com

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Trash the Dress - Krista | Halifax, NS, Wedding Photographer

2011-07-24T20:28:00.002-03:00

My friend Krista had a wedding dress that was itching to be trashed. We met on a hot summer day last August and headed out to Sambro, in search of anything that looked interesting. I think we found it. Our first stop was definitely interesting and Krista rocked it out:

We got so many fabulous shots on this one day, all at locations within a few miles of each other. Think lobster traps, moss, and a lake. But you have to wait for those... coming soon!

...Kare

email: karenk{at}eastlink.ca

website: http://www.karenkyte.com

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Coming soon... | Halifax, NS

2011-07-24T10:54:00.000-03:00

...Kare

email: karenk{at}eastlink.ca

website: http://www.karenkyte.com

Facebook

Twenty-two | Halifax, NS Breast Cancer Survivor

2011-07-22T08:05:00.000-03:00

Ahhhhhh, the 22nd. You hit me like a tonne of bricks. My monthly reminder.

The 22nd of each month brings me back to that day in December, the day of diagnosis. It hits hard and I visualize myself getting that phone message, I hear Charlotte's voice... the doctor would like to see you... today... bring a friend or family member...

I instinctively cry. I cry for the fear I had, the unknown, for the disbelief I had as I fell to the floor with the phone in my hand.

Then I cry with thanks. Thanks for the path I have taken and the kind souls I have had with me along the way. Thanks for the past seven months that have changed me. Tears of relief.

The 22nd hits me like this each month. Tears and relief. It gets easier. And I'm thankful that I'm able reflect on my amazing journey and the strength I have because of it.

Happy Friday.

xoxo

...Kare

email: karenk{at}eastlink.ca

website: http://www.karenkyte.com

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Whatchyou talkin about, Willis? | Halifax, NS

2011-07-18T18:40:00.000-03:00

I'm a little perplexed about the blog. Now that my world is getting back to normal, what do I do with the blog? I mean, if you're here to see some pretty pictures, you're probably a little surprised at all the talk about breasts.

Let's be honest, when it was just pictures there weren't too many people popping by. Then I started talking about breasts and cancer and what a wreck I was and more people started popping in. I like that.

So I'm going to do what feels right for me. I'm going to keep talking about breasts and cancer (because it's important!) aaaaaaand I'm going to start showing you some more pretty pictures again (because that's what I love). I'll throw in a little bit of this and a little bit of that. It's all a big jumbled mess of who I am. And I like it.

Thanks for stopping by; I'm glad you're here!

xoxo

...Kare

email: karenk{at}eastlink.ca

website: http://www.karenkyte.com

Facebook

Thoughts for a Thursday... | Halifax, NS

2011-07-14T23:17:00.000-03:00

I expect to pass through this world but once. If, therefore,
there be any kindness I can show, or any good thing I can do,
to any fellow being let me do it now. Let me not defer nor neglect it,
for I shall not pass this way again.

Author Unknown

...Kare

email: karenk{at}eastlink.ca

website: http://www.karenkyte.com

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From My Breasts to Yours | Halifax, NS, Breast Cancer Survivor

2011-07-12T00:20:00.000-03:00

This one's all about YOU and your boobies. That's right, we've talked about mine enough, let's talk about yours.

For those of you of a certain age *cough forty* you really need to take care of your girls. Self exams, annual exams by your family physician, mammograms - yes, please! You know deep down that it's time, I know you do.

You know your own breasts, your doctor probably does annual checkups on them (right?!), but maybe you're afraid of the mammogram. I know, you've heard the horror squishy stories. Does it hurt? Yes, it does... for about ten seconds. It is a pain you will forget about as soon as it's done. Trust me.

I have a friend who was a mammogram virgin until she was 56, but has followed my journey and decided it was time to get 'er done. I want to know there are more of you mammogram virgins out there who love your breasts enough to squish the hell out of them. More importantly, do it for the rest of us, your friends and family who get to be sure to keep you around for a long long time.

And if you're still afraid, grab a girlfriend and go together. And then celebrate with dinner afterwards. That's how it's done.

xoxo

...Kare

email: karenk{at}eastlink.ca

website: http://www.karenkyte.com

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Sometimes Life Gives You Lemons... | Halifax, NS

2011-07-08T22:04:00.000-03:00

...
...
...

... and it sucks.

...Kare

email: karenk{at}eastlink.ca

website: http://www.karenkyte.com

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There Is No Such Thing As A Selfless Act | Halifax, NS, Breast Cancer Survivor

2011-07-08T00:16:00.002-03:00

They say there is no such thing as a selfless act. I don't know who "they" are exactly, but that's what they said. I believe it's true. Doing things for another person makes you feel good, eases your conscious, makes you look good to others. It may not be your true intention, but in the end it's about you.

I had a recent selfless act that turned out to be not so selfless.

During my radiation treatments, I was at the hospital every day for 16 days. During my visits to the hospital, I had daily encounters with someone who was not in the health care profession - not a doctor, not a therapist, not anyone related to my treatment. Just a kind soul at the hospital.

Jason and I saw this gentleman nearly every day. Each and every day he greeted us with a big hello and asked us how we were. We had a quick little chat and we were on our way. He talked about the weather, the previous night's hockey game, or how our day was going.

And then there were the jokes. Not the funny kind. The kind you groan at. The kind you tell your kids because you know they will think they're funny. But he told them like they were golden. And we'd groan and chuckle. And be on our way.

This guy didn't have to be friendly. He didn't have to stop and have a chat with us. I'm sure he did it with everyone to pass his day, but I began to look forward to it as part of my treatments.

I wanted to thank him for the light he gave us each day. On my last day of treatment, Jason and I went to find him. He wasn't at his post. Uh oh. Off we went looking for him. When we found him, he was with care workers. Once they parted, I hollered to him. He turned, looked at me and kept walking. "No, no, it's you I'm looking for." He assumed I was yelling to the others, the care workers.

I told him it was the last day of my treatments, how I'd seen him every day for two weeks, and how much I enjoyed our quick chats and his jokes that made me groan. I told him that I knew he didn't have to have time for everyone he saw, but I was glad he did. He made a difference in my treatments, and I wanted him to know.

We gave him a a small giftcard thanking him for the chuckles. Nothing much, but we were sincere. His reaction was priceless. He was surprised and thankful, told us we made his day, and gave me two giant hugs. And right then and there, I realized my act was not selfless - his reaction in turn made Jason and me grateful. Grateful for this man, grateful we had taken the few moments to recognize him. Our hearts were filled because we had made a difference in his day. It's something I hold dear and hope I never forget.

I don't tell this story for me or for my friend at the hospital, but instead I hope you will remember the people who make your life a blessing. Tell them, let them know they made a difference, otherwise they may never know.

xoxo

...Kare

email: karenk{at}eastlink.ca

website: http://www.karenkyte.com

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Just like riding a bike... | Halifax, NS, Breast Cancer Survivor

2011-07-05T19:25:00.001-03:00

I stared at the screen. The words and numbers stared back. Everything looked so familiar, yet so foreign at the same time. For four years I worked on this screen, my fingers nimbly hitting the keys, knowing which to hit without even needing to think about it.

F3. F3. Now what? I stared some more. One. Nope, that's not it. Two? I don't know. What was once second nature is now a foreign concept. I'm stuck with nowhere to go. I chuckled to my deskmates Lesley, Kathleen, and Linda. "I don't have a clue," I laughed.

I've been away from my day job for six months or so while I was going through my cancer treatments. I am oh so very lucky to have a job that will allow me the time needed to heal. So very lucky. Now, as I head back to work, I'm easing my way back in. Slow and steady, I'm trying to pick up where I left off. I thought it would be like riding a bike - you just know how to do it.

Unfortunately, I don't know how to ride a bike. Wait, yes I do - remember when you were a kid? Bikes with banana seats? Man, those were the best! I think mine was pink, with tassels hanging from the big wide handles and I can remember riding it up and down Sunfield Rd, big as day, with my Barbie and Ken dolls in the weaved basket on the front. I loved it.

But this wasn't any pink banana seat bike. No sirree, this was a speed bike with gears and stuff and I was stuck.

The girls laughed with me. They let me sweat it out a bit. "Come on, give me a hint," I pleaded. Finally, Lesley piped up. Five and five. Ah ha! That's it! My bike with gears vanished and here I was with my pink banana seat bike. Just like that, I knew exactly what to do, my hands fluttered away at the keyboard and hit all the right spots, just like they did six months ago...

...Kare

email: karenk{at}eastlink.ca

website: http://www.karenkyte.com

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Halifax, NS, Breast Cancer Survivor

2011-07-02T22:39:00.000-03:00

As I'm done with day to day appointments and am getting my life back to normal, it is time to change my blog header.

Where it once stated "Cancer Patient" it now states "Cancer Survivor."

Booyah!

...Kare

email: karenk{at}eastlink.ca

website: http://www.karenkyte.com

Facebook

Life As I Know It... | Halifax, NS Breast Cancer Patient

2011-07-02T01:33:00.000-03:00

...is about to change.

Surgery is over, treatments are done, recovery is going well - it's time to put this baby to bed and get back to my life. It's time to close the door on the cancer chapter of my life and move onto the next one.

I have angst as I move on. I'm excited to get back to the day job where I get to see my work friends again and get back into a steady routine, but I have butterflies as I think about getting back into the day to day work.

When I was ten years old, I was out of school for a couple of weeks. I don't remember why - likely a cold/flu concoction; I remember earaches, fevers and a late night trip to the emergency room. My time off school wasn't terribly long, but in the mind of a ten year old, it felt like forever. Not that I minded being off, but I was afraid to go back and was full of butterflies in my tummy. I was afraid of all that I had missed, all the school work to catch up on, all the schoolyard cliques that would have been formed while I was away. Will I remember everything? Would my seat still be in the same spot and would my best friends be excited to see me or would they have forgotten about me while I was gone? Yes, it was only two or three weeks but it felt like a lifetime.

Now I again have butterflies. The ten year old deep inside wonders if her seat will still be in the same spot and if her best friends will be excited to see her.

It feels as though it's been a lifetime...

...Kare

email: karenk{at}eastlink.ca

website: http://www.karenkyte.com

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My Week | Halifax, NS Breast Cancer Patient

2011-07-01T09:55:00.000-03:00

My week has been spent with these three little angels.

It's been a couple of years since I've seen them and I am so thankful they are here now, as I end my treatment and am on the cusp of life returning to normal.

The oldest is great fun, has become a pro on the footsie, and let me paint her nails. We had a deep conversation the other day about Justin Bieber and Selena Gomez and their relationship. It seems Justin is younger than Selena and this is not recommended - the boy should be the same age or older than the girl. Oh.

The twins have each figured out how to get to me. She says, "Do you want to come with me? I'll let you take my picture." Am I that predictable? He, on the other hand, is the greatest cuddler ever. Ever. I asked him to give Jason some lessons.

Happy Canada Day! It's a gorgeous day here; don't forget your sunscreen.

xoxo

...Kare

email: karenk{at}eastlink.ca

website: http://www.karenkyte.com

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Sometimes I Jump to Conclusions... Halifax, NS Breast Cancer Patient

2011-06-24T02:17:00.000-03:00

Sometimes.

I spent the other day in the woods. Literally. There were more mosquitoes than you could shake a stick at. Jason told me to use two sticks. I'm full of bites, but not terribly scratchy.

Later that evening, I ran my hand over my chest and I paused. Let me remind you about the mosquitoes. I felt something. A lump. I inhaled. And immediately lost my mind. Remember - mosquitoes; i don't want to frighten anyone.

I made Jason feel it. I cried. It was the 6 month anniversary of my diagnosis and I felt a new lump. My mind instantly went to that place.

Jason knelt in front of me. He looked me straight in the eye and calmly stated, "You're fine. It's probably nothing. Look how well you made it through the last six months."

And then it clicked...

"It's a mosquito bite, silly."

Oh. Yeah. Woods. Mosquitoes. Ahhhhhhh, my voice of reason. Because sometimes I jump to conclusions. Sometimes.

...Kare

Six Months... Halifax, NS Breast Cancer Patient

2011-06-22T16:52:00.001-03:00

It's been six months since diagnosis. It seems so long ago and yet I can remember it as though it were yesterday.

I had just received my mammogram results a few days prior. Everything's great, it said. Come back in a year to be squished again, it said. Um, I'm paraphrasing. A bit. I was standing in the front hallway and my hand brushed across my breast and there was the lump. Weird. But I figured it's probably due to my cycle. Probably. So I'll wait and I'll go see my doctor if it's there next week.

I had no urgency since the mammogram said I was fine. I waited, called the doctor, and had a checkup. Still, everything's fine. It can't be cancer, it doesn't feel like cancer, it wasn't there a couple of weeks ago, it's fine. I'll rationalize it any way I can.

Off Shelley and I went to the Dickson Centre for an ultrasound. No biggie. But, the following week, I received a call from my doctor while I was at work. You need a biopsy. This call scared me. A biopsy! The tears started to fall as I scribbled down the time and location, my percentage of risk, everything the doctor was telling me. My friend, Lesley, saw me across our shared cubicle wall and quietly passed me a tissue.

The following week, Shelley and I sat in the Dickson Centre waiting room. It's not very big and not very cheery. We had a long wait so we sat and people watched. Everyone else seemed to come and go, and there we sat. But unlike me, they were each having a mammogram - nice and easy, in and out. The waiting room is small and square with maybe 15 chairs along three walls. Conversations with your seatmate are not private so what else to do but look around, people watch, and try to figure out everyone's story.

Across from us was a woman in her 30s, she looked frightened and alone. I was frightened for her and just wanted to give her a hug. I had my Shelley with me and I realized everyone should have a Shelley with them for these scary appointments - a best friend just to sit there and be scared with you, to hold your hand when you need it, to be the voice of reason and keep you on schedule when you need it. This other woman needed a Shelley, someone to keep the fear out of her eyes and distract her so as to keep her bottom lip from trembling. I still think of her and wonder how her journey went. I hope the news she received was positive!

As we waited and waited for my name to be called, the faces in the waiting room changed. Some were relaxed as though this was a common occurrence. One lady noticed we had been there for awhile, perhaps she even noticed a little fear in my eyes. She looked over, gave me a thumbs up, and told me she was a 12-year survivor. And she smiled. That was her boost for me, don't worry, you'll be fine, it will be okay.

Luckily for me, she was right. Here I am six months later and it is okay. It wasn't fun, but I'm here, nearing the end of this crazy journey and it is all okay. I made it through the biopsy, the scary diagnosis, the MRI, the surgery, the leakage, the radiation and all the other appointments in between. I made it through and it is all okay. I've been blessed throughout the past six months - I know it and am so very thankful for it.

xoxo

...Kare

Tanned and Handsome | Halifax, NS

2011-06-20T19:53:00.000-03:00

The sun hasn't been around much these days, but it did make an appearance one day last week. Jason arrived home after being out for a few hours and noticed he had gotten some sun.

"Do I look more tanned and handsome than usual?" he asked.

After my uncontrollable laughter subsided, he proceeded to tell me, "The handsome is baked in."

My boy makes me giggle.

xoxo

...Kare

email: karenk{at}eastlink.ca

website: http://www.karenkyte.com

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More Meds Than You Can Shake a Stick At | Halifax, NS Breast Cancer Patient

2011-06-19T10:56:00.001-03:00

I started Tamoxifen this week. I was a little afraid to start this next step. I'm not sure why - partially because of the side effects, partially because it's five friggin years you have to take it! That's a lot of pills! I waited until I was finished with radiation so I wouldn't have side effects from radiation and tamoxifen hitting me at the same time and not be able to know which treatment was causing what. At least that was my excuse to put it off just a little bit longer. With no excuses left, I sucked it up and started them last Monday.

I also started some antibiotics this week for my radiation burn. Four pills a day. Then there's the sleeping pills that help me sleep through the night (don't worry, they're non-addictive and I only take when necessary). Add in a multi-vitamin. Then, when I'm done the antibiotics I switch it up and take something else.

I'm beginning to wonder if it's time to pick up one of these...

um... no.

...Kare

email: karenk{at}eastlink.ca

website: http://www.karenkyte.com

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Things Are Rosy | Halifax, NS Breast Cancer Patient

2011-06-18T11:49:00.001-03:00

Literally. My breast has turned a pretty shade of pink from the radiation. The area near my lymph node incision, though, has turned maroon and burns like a son of a bitch. Yes, that much.

I rolled through radiation treatments and thought I got off scott free with nothing more than a little fatigue. The burn hit at the end of treatments, once I was done seeing the therapists each day. I thought it would go away in a couple of days but, boy, was I wrong. After a visit to the doctor, a phone consultation with the nurse, and a couple of trips to the pharmacy, I am on some new meds and using cream to help fix things up. There's been no change yet, but I am optimistic.

We're also back where we were right after surgery - I can't get dressed or undressed by myself anymore. Jaaaaaaaaason, come help me... I hope he's not tired of me yet.

...Kare

email: karenk{at}eastlink.ca

website: http://www.karenkyte.com

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{Almost} Wordless Wednesday - Canadian Cancer Society Relay for Life | Middleton, NS

2011-06-15T01:26:00.000-03:00

One of my favourite shots from the Middleton Relay for Life. Just before I headed home, a shot of my sister and me in front of the survivors' luminaries all lit up, spelling out the word HOPE.

Another post to come with more pictures and some thoughts on the walk; check out the facebook page for more photos, too.

...Kare

email: karenk{at}eastlink.ca

website: http://www.karenkyte.com

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My Radiation Team | Halifax, NS Breast Cancer Patient

2011-06-10T09:19:00.001-03:00

My radiation team has been fabulous. They have been kind, friendly, warm, and funny. They have done their jobs professionally, yet with a smile. That in itself made a huge difference.

It is not the most obviously normal thing to do - to strip off part of your clothing, lay yourself bare, and have strangers stare and then poke and prod at you. But the team made the awkward... well, still awkward, but less embarrassing ;-). While I dealt with their sometimes cold hands (you know who you are!), they dealt with my lame attempts at humour and breaking the ice (while they crowded around staring at my chest, I suggested that I normally expect dinner before showing the girls off).

They asked me how I was doing, checked out my skin, offered advice. They remembered me and made me feel like I wasn't just another person rolling through their day.

Rhonda, Adam, Sheri, Keltie, Katie, Jenna, Lisa and Shawn (arggggghhhh I feel as though I'm forgetting someone!) - thank you, thank you, thank you. I hope you always remember that you made a difference to me and my treatment, as I'm sure you have with many others. I, too, hope I never see you again; but, I know that if I do, I will be in good hands.

For others going through radiation treatments in Halifax, I hope you get some of my team, they'll take good care of you.

xoxo

...Kare

email: karenk{at}eastlink.ca

website: http://www.karenkyte.com

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Jason Writes... | Halifax, NS

2011-06-07T16:18:00.000-03:00

The finish line is in sight, with my last radiation treatment just around the corner. With that in mind, Jason decided it was his turn to blog. I have no words, just tears and appreciation.

In December 2010, a few days before Christmas, Karen was diagnosed with breast cancer. The news was very unexpected since only two months before she had gone for a breast exam and received a clean bill of health. Luckily, she has almost completed her radiation therapy and is on the road to recovery.

Since the diagnosis, there have been dozens of appointments, information sessions and tests with countless doctors, specialists, technicians and nurses. From the start, these health professionals have gone above and beyond their job descriptions and have been nothing but immensely helpful, kind, considerate and patient not only with us but with the half dozen or so of Karen's friends and relatives who have accompanied her into the various hospitals, waiting rooms and offices that she has had to frequent during this ordeal. So I would like to thank Dr. Calnen, Dr. Porter, Dr. Rutledge, Dr. Rayson, Margaret, Charlotte, Marsha, all the nurses, their staff and everyone else who has crossed our paths over the past several months. It is very heartening to know that our health care system is filled with such people.

I also want to thank Karen's friends and co-workers who have offered kind words, prayers and 'Kare packages.' The outpouring of support from these people really touched her and helped her get through some of the tougher days. Thank you to Dy, Dr. Shelly, Karla, Krista, Maria, DeAnna and 'Matherine' and to the dozens of others who have helped along the way.

I would especially like to thank Karen's Team. All of the people who sat in waiting rooms with her, made somewhat small doctor offices even more cramped with their presence, asked questions and became quasi experts on breast cancer. Included in this team are Karen's wonderful extended family. They have come to all of her appointments despite their busy personal and professional lives and all have welcomed me into their homes with open arms despite not knowing me from Adam. I enjoyed many home cooked meals, conversations and jokes (special thanks to the kids) thanks to them . So to Jamie and Ann, Lori, Gary, Nicholas, Shelley, Sandra, John, Brenda, Ray, Ardith, Owen, Olivia, Jack and Abby, thank you.

Most importantly, I want to thank Karen for being so strong during this time. A little over a year ago she was there for me and helped me when I needed her the most and I don't know what I would have done without her. I will always be indebted to her for being so strong, kind and compassionate during those days.

True to form, Karen has handled her diagnosis and treatment with grace and strength from day one and I am blessed to have her in my life and proud of her for holding her head up high and fighting and giving me, and all of us, a lot more time to spend with her.

Thank you,

Jason

I Feel the Love | Halifax, NS Breast Cancer Patient

2011-06-06T17:57:00.002-03:00

Oh, I feel the love. And I've felt it all along my journey - from my family and friends, co-workers, facebook friends; from gifts, notecards, flowers, phone calls, and facebook messages. You all have lifted me up and carried me along this journey.

I keep my cards out where I can see them and I regularly pick them up and read through them. I usually cry when I do it - but they are tears of love and a heart full of appreciation.

Your support has meant the world to me and I thank you so much for it.

...Kare

email: karenk{at}eastlink.ca

website: http://www.karenkyte.com

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Reading at the Dinner Table | Halifax, NS

2011-06-06T09:36:00.000-03:00

We sat across from each other at the table in the restaurant. We had opted for a late lunch at a local all day breakfast restaurant and on the way in he picked up the newspaper. As we sat in the booth, he pulled the paper out and asked me to give him a minute to glance at the headlines. The International Money Fund had a new leader. News. I didn't want news. I grabbed The Arts and Travel sections to find something a little lighter and more interesting.

There we sat til our meals came, both of us with our newspaper sections opened and heads bowed in deep thought. It was then that I had a flashback. Mom's father, Grampa Gillis, always read at the table. Mom had once told me that when she was little, she and both her parents read in silence at the dinner table. Meals were never like that when I was growing up. We had big family dinners on Sundays, with our meals in the dining room instead of at the kitchen table, usually with candlelight and soft music and loads of conversation.

Grampa Gillis came to live with us when I was a little older. I don't have specific memories of him reading when we were all at the table, but he would often have meals alone with the newspaper spread out all over the table while he took it all in. Although he was ill and wouldn't leave the house, he would tear ads out of the paper. The next person to sit down to read the paper would open it to peer through the hole where the ad had once been, forever missing the end of the article that had once been on the page before or after the advertisement.

I smiled at the memories of life so long ago and I glanced up at Jason, still enthralled with the Money Fund. This is our life now and it seems so comfortable. So long as reading at the table doesn't become a habit. :-)

...Kare

email: karenk{at}eastlink.ca

website: http://www.karenkyte.com

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Canadian Cancer Society Relay for Life | Halifax, NS

2011-06-05T15:54:00.005-03:00

Jason and I ventured downtown early Friday evening to catch the start of the Canadian Cancer Society Relay for Life. I wanted to be there for the start of the event and grab some photos.

The relay is held in communities across the country. Teams of 10 - 15 participants raise funds, camp on the grounds and spend 12 hours walking, running, or wheeling around the track. The track is surrounded by luminaries in memory of loved ones who have died of cancer, or in honour of loved ones who have survived a battle with the disease.

The first lap of the relay is for the cancer survivors. All dressed in yellow t-shirts, they walk the track to a round of applause. It's so incredibly moving to witness these people, so triumphant in what they have overcome, and to see the diversity in the people affected. This terrible disease affects us all - who doesn't know someone who has battled it at some point in their lives?

Next Friday, Middleton, Nova Scotia, will be hosting their Relay for Life. My sister is participating in the relay and we'll head to the Valley to cheer her on. Mom, Dad, my brother-in-law Gary, and I will all be walking the Survivors' Lap. I got emotional watching the Halifax Survivors' Lap, I'm sure I'll be emotional walking it the day after I finish treatment.

Check out the facebook page for more photos of the Halifax event.

...Kare

Five More to Go... | Halifax, NS Breast Cancer Treatments

2011-06-02T22:43:00.001-03:00

Just five more radiation treatments to go. It seemed so long ago that my journey started, and yet it sometimes seems like it just started yesterday. I feared the journey, the ending seemingly so far off. And here I am, having gone through so much - and so incredibly lucky that I didn't have even more to go through - and so near the end of treatment.

I have been blessed and have so much to be thankful for. But that will all come in another post.

For now, I wish you a happy Friday. I will spend it with my boy, having treatment and maybe finding a few moments to take some pictures and be thankful for how far we've come.

xoxo

...Kare

email: karenk{at}eastlink.ca

website: http://www.karenkyte.com

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Life is a Beach | Halifax, NS

2011-06-01T13:59:00.000-03:00

Sometimes I have bad days and sometimes I have good days. And sometimes I have days that start out bad and end up great.

Yesterday, I'm happy to say, was a good day.

It was "clinic day" at the hospital. Every Tuesday during radiation, I see either the oncologist or the radiation therapists to determine how my treatment is going and how I'm reacting (physically and mentally) to my treatment. They ask me about side effects and how I'm coping with them. Luckily, my side effects aren't too bad - my skin is turning a little pink, which is to be expected, and I have an assortment of creams and gels to use. I've become fatigued in the past week or so, which surprised me - I had heard fatigue was a side effect but wasn't really expecting it... really, I'm going to get tired from laying on that table during radiation? Guess I was wrong about that. I'm working on sorting the fatigue out with medication.

After treatment, we looked upwards to that strange ball of light in the sky that we hadn't seen for weeks and weeks and weeks. We jumped in the car, hit the grocery store for snacks, and then headed to the beach.

This was our therapy.

We got to play with someone's puppy. He had been playing in the sand so we got lots of sandy licks (ewwwww)...

We watched the ducks while we had dinner...

We strolled along the beach...

We got wet cleaning my flipflops...

No. Wait, that was just Jason who got wet. :-)

I hope you are all got a chance to enjoy the sunshine as well.

xoxo

...Kare

email: karenk{at}eastlink.ca

website: http://www.karenkyte.com

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Northern Exposure | Halifax, NS

2011-05-30T21:00:00.000-03:00

Let's face it, there is no shame left - my breasts have been seen by more people than you can imagine in the past six months. Doctors, nurses, med students, technicians, janitors, they've all taken a peek. Ha, kidding about that last one, just making sure you were paying attention.

I'm not shy about it; in order to treat it, you've got to see it. But today during treatment, I felt exposed for the first time. While setting me up for radiation, one breast is exposed so the technicians can line up my tattoos, while the rest of me is covered. Should my gown move, the technician will quietly cover me back up. Today my gown was inadvertently moved during a "roll." Then it slowly crept its way off. I couldn't move to cover myself up. I should have spoken up and asked the technician to cover it but I felt silly - really, what's one more breast for them to see, they've already seen the other.

There were students in the room, which may have attributed to the exposure - they were anxious to get me set up correctly and probably didn't even notice. The extra people in the room probably also attributed to my angst at being exposed. You would think after all this time I would be okay with it. Obviously, with everything I've shared here, I'm not that shy about my treatment and everything that goes along with it. Maybe I should just think of it as "you've seen one, you've seen them all."

...Kare

email: karenk{at}eastlink.ca

website: http://www.karenkyte.com

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