Monday, December 27, 2010

December 22, 2010

It's one of those dates I will remember.  December 22, 2010.  The day of diagnosis.  The day I became a patient.  The day I learned I have breast cancer.

I had had the mammogram in October; the report came back all clear.  Within a few days I felt the lump.  It can't be anything, I just got the report back that said I had a great pair :-)  So I waited a few days, then called my doctor.  An ultrasound and biopsy are up next and still popular word was that it didn't look like anything to worry about. 

Still, I worried.  What if I get sick?  I couldn't say the word, I always referred to it as "being sick."

Then, December 22, 2010.  The doctor's office called and asked me to come in that day.  And bring a friend or family member.   I fell to the floor and didn't hear the rest of the message; I passed the phone to Jason to listen to it and I crawled away, not wanting to hear.  I spent the rest of the day sobbing.  Jason, my aunt and my cousin came to the appointment with me - the four of us squeezed into the teeny examining room with the doctor, while my other cousin was in the waiting room.  The rest asked questions and took notes for me - I zoned out after the doctor said the words.

I have slept a lot since then - sleeping so I can't think about it.  I don't want to think about it, I don't want to know what I'll have to go through.  I think of my Mom, a 24-year survivor; and my friend, Dyane, who's recently gone through treatment and is doing fabulously.  But I'm not as strong as either of them.  They're both amazing women.

I know I have fight in me, I do.  And I know I have to get through this.  Like it or not.  

And I know I have support - I've felt it ever since December 22, 2010.   From prayers and hugs to baking and flowers to "Kare packages" to people just listening to me and offering support.  From friends and family to people I've never met.  I feel it.  And I thrive on it.  It lifts me up.

I write this for me, to remember.  When it's all over with, I want to remember how afraid I was to go through it and to know that I did it, I made it through.



  1. you are stronger than you know. and when you are not, lean on the love around you. love you! smh

  2. Kare, hang onto all the love and always know that we are here for you. We have so many miles between us but we are with you constantly in our minds and we're praying for you daily. If love and tears can help you, you'll come through with flying colours. Love, Mom

  3. Wow, such a touching and honest post. I can tell just from your words that you are such a strong woman and that you will get through this. It seems that you have an amazing support system, and such a positive outlook, stay strong and know that there are so many behind you.

  4. Kare, you say "I'm not as strong as either of them", BUT you are and don't ever forget that!! Love you so much, Char xo