Happy New Year! | Halifax, NS

I am terrified - terrified! - of what 2011 brings for me.  Terrified.  But I've been inspired.  Inspired by all the love and support I've received.  Inspired enough to believe I can give this thing a good swift kick in the pants and beat the hell out of it. :-)

I wish my friends, clients, loved ones, and random strangers who happen to show up here... nothing but the best for 2011.  Health and happiness!  Everything else is gravy.

Much love,

...Kare

email:  karenk{at}eastlink.ca

website:  http://www.karenkyte.com

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Thankful for... Facials | Halifax, NS

This has been a long week, as you can imagine.  I cry at the drop of a hat - and then feel guilty for it.  Sometimes I sneak into the washroom at work and just let it all out - if you hear weeping from the stall next to you, it's just me :-)

In the midst of all the crying, luck was indeed on my side.  A few weeks ago, I had booked a facial as I had a gift certificate that was about to expire; my requirement for an appointment was that it be after 6pm on any day before the end of the year.  Tuesday, the 28th at 6pm, it is.  I had no idea how important that date would be.  

Over the weekend, I was distracted with Christmas.  By Monday, I was fearing the unknown again and worrying about getting back to work with my mind so distracted.  What oh what could I do to relax?  Ahhhhh the facial! 

Off I went to Chrysalis.  It had been awhile since my last visit, so I filled out the new client form.  Included was a section regarding any medical conditions you may have.  Oh.  There it is.  Cancer.  Check.  Yep, that's me.  Crap.  Then I met with my aesthetician, Wendy.   We discussed my skin care while she went over the form.  "So you have..."  I don't know if she said the word or pointed to the form.  "Yep.  It's new.  Last week.  I've been crying for a week and there's a good chance I'll cry during the session.  Don't be alarmed."

I didn't.  Cry, that is.  I laid back and just relaxed.  I don't think being sick even crossed my mind.  The timing was perfect - if it had been any sooner, it would have been too close to the date of diagnosis and I wouldn't have been able to let go.  Ahhhhhh... Wendy worked her magic.  Almost two hours later, the dimmed lights were turned up and her quiet voice told me it was over.  No rush, take your time getting ready to go.  

It was fantastic, I even hugged her when I left.

...Kare

email:  karenk{at}eastlink.ca

website:  http://www.karenkyte.com

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December 22, 2010

It's one of those dates I will remember.  December 22, 2010.  The day of diagnosis.  The day I became a patient.  The day I learned I have breast cancer.

I had had the mammogram in October; the report came back all clear.  Within a few days I felt the lump.  It can't be anything, I just got the report back that said I had a great pair :-)  So I waited a few days, then called my doctor.  An ultrasound and biopsy are up next and still popular word was that it didn't look like anything to worry about. 

Still, I worried.  What if I get sick?  I couldn't say the word, I always referred to it as "being sick."

Then, December 22, 2010.  The doctor's office called and asked me to come in that day.  And bring a friend or family member.   I fell to the floor and didn't hear the rest of the message; I passed the phone to Jason to listen to it and I crawled away, not wanting to hear.  I spent the rest of the day sobbing.  Jason, my aunt and my cousin came to the appointment with me - the four of us squeezed into the teeny examining room with the doctor, while my other cousin was in the waiting room.  The rest asked questions and took notes for me - I zoned out after the doctor said the words.

I have slept a lot since then - sleeping so I can't think about it.  I don't want to think about it, I don't want to know what I'll have to go through.  I think of my Mom, a 24-year survivor; and my friend, Dyane, who's recently gone through treatment and is doing fabulously.  But I'm not as strong as either of them.  They're both amazing women.

I know I have fight in me, I do.  And I know I have to get through this.  Like it or not.  

And I know I have support - I've felt it ever since December 22, 2010.   From prayers and hugs to baking and flowers to "Kare packages" to people just listening to me and offering support.  From friends and family to people I've never met.  I feel it.  And I thrive on it.  It lifts me up.

I write this for me, to remember.  When it's all over with, I want to remember how afraid I was to go through it and to know that I did it, I made it through.

...Kare