Celebrating Canciversaries | Halifax, NS, Breast Cancer Survivor

It was just a regular day.  Get up, go to work, nothing special.  But it was special, it was a year later, a year since I was diagnosed.  My team sent me flowers.  A few of us went out for dinner to celebrate.  We weren't celebrating my cancer, we were celebrating the year.  A year of ups and downs and struggles, but a year I survived.  One year stronger.

And today?  Today I celebrate again.  This one will be a quiet celebration, no flowers, no dinner, just thanks.  Thanks to the doctors and nurses, for it was a year ago today they took the cancer.  Thanks to their skill, they got it all.

I won't be celebrating all my cancer victories.  Each step along the way was a struggle and a victory:  diagnosis, surgery, bandages come off, I stopped leaking, my scar is healing, no chemo, radiation starts, radiation ends, I feel good, life gets back to normal, my oncologists give me the all-clear!  Each step was important.  But I will forever remember December 22 (diagnosis) and February 3rd (cancer-free).  My life was forever changed on those two days.  And now I'm one year stronger...

...Kare

email:  karenk{at}eastlink.ca

website:  http://www.karenkyte.com

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Too Much Information | Halifax, NS, Photographer

I've been known to occasionally share too much information, usually by mistake.  I blurt something out, I pause, I groan, I stammer, "Oh, I shouldn't have said that."

But today I thought I'd share too much information on purpose, random bits of me that usually make no sense.

1. It's been noted (by guys) that girls always go to the washroom together.  True, so we can talk about boys. But... I don't ever want to have a conversation with anyone in the next stall.  Ever.  It's just awkward.
2. I never eat the last bite of my banana.
3. I once had a dog named Too.
4. I can moonwalk.  For real.
5. No, I won't show you.

I guarantee that once I hit publish, I will pause, I will groan, I will stammer, "Oh I shouldn't have said that."

...Kare

email:  karenk{at}eastlink.ca

website:  http://www.karenkyte.com

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Isn't Cancer Supposed to Be Life-Changing? | Halifax, NS, Breast Cancer Survivor

At least, isn't that what you hear?  People have cancer, they survive, and they discover they weren't living their life's dream, that they're only human and the end could come at any time, that they need to kick things up a notch.  And then they do.  They kick it up, they live their dream, they change things and make it better.

I sit here, more than a year after being diagnosed.  Living the exact same life I had before diagnosis, wondering where my change is.  I know that I've come through this incredible thing, that I've beat this cancer, but ohmyGod I need to be living my dream!  It's in my head every day.  And I know my cancer journey is not over... I need to be checked regularly, the breast cancer could come back, a new cancer could come, I could be hit by a bus; at any time, I could be facing my immortality once again.  So where is my change??  Why am I living the same life I was living before cancer?  I want excitement.  I want to inspire people and share my story.  I want to change someone else's life.  I want to live the dream!

But then I realized... my life has changed.

Before I found the lump, Jason and I were just starting to fall in love.  When tragedy strikes, it brings people together.  We would most certainly have created a bond regardless, but cancer cemented it in record time.

I feel more closely connected to my family and friends.  My blog and facebook updates were cathartic for me during treatments.  I needed to share my story with my peeps.  And they read, they commented, they lifted me up.  A year later and I'm still sharing, they're still commenting, and still lifting me up.  I feel more connected to the people around me, me sharing with them and them sharing with me.  Surrounding yourself with good people is important and I feel like I've hit the lottery with that one.

Have I changed someone else's life?  I doubt it, not yet.  But I aim to do that, to keep plugging away at what I'm doing, to make someone else's cancer struggle just a little easier, to make someone else's life struggle just a little lighter.  Not knowing if I've had an impact on anyone else just inspires me to keep at it, maybe it will be years down the road, or maybe, just maybe, it's small changes for lots of people.  Who knows how any one of us impacts another?

I don't feel like I'm "living the dream" just yet, but I know I am happy.  Deliriously, joyously happy.  That is my change.  The dream, the excitement, they will come, but the happiness?  That is the win.

...Kare

email:  karenk{at}eastlink.ca

website:  http://www.karenkyte.com

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My Grandparents Were Mortified

If you know me, you know I love french fries.  Fries with ketchup, with mayo, with vinegar, with fish, with a burger, with a good steak.

I love McDonald's french fries, I love Burger King french fries only when they are covered in cheese curds and gravy, I won't order Jack Astor's fries, and I looooove Montana's sweet potato fries.

You get my point, right?

My obsession started early in life, but there was an incident...

We were living overseas, I would have been about four years old.  Look how cute I am, I would never cause a problem...

Mom's parents came over for a visit.  I loved having them there.  I heard years later that Nanny was enthralled to hear all the German children jabbering away outside our apartment only to discover that I was out there jabbering away in German with them.  She had no idea I had picked up the language so quickly.

While they were visiting, we took a trip to visit some clients of my grandfather's.  Grampa was a laywer and this was a pretty big client - he was a doctor who owned a hospital.  Owned it.  We stayed with the doctor and his family, swimming in their indoor pool, and dining outdoors overlooking their mountain.  It was all so fancy and I'm sure we were told to be on our best behavior.

The doctor took us all in to his hospital for a tour.  The dining room was closed, but he insisted we stay for lunch.  I remember a fancy room with linen tablecloths.  This was a dining room, not a cafeteria, for sure.  The orders are placed... til it's my turn.  I want pommes frites (french fries).  "But Karen, honey, they don't have pommes frites here, let's find something else."

"No.  I want pommes frites!"  And with that, I flung myself across my seat and repeated it.  "I want pommes frites!  I want pommes frites!"

The kind doctor discreetly waved over one of his runners and requested he drive into town and fetch the adorable child some pommes frites.  I'm quite certain he would not have used the word adorable, though.

I'm also quite certain that in this moment my grandparents were mortified.  I'm sure they'd be thrilled to know that was the only time I caused a scene at dinner...

...Kare

email:  karenk{at}eastlink.ca

website:  http://www.karenkyte.com

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December 22, 2011 | Halifax, NS, Breast Cancer Survivor

One year later...

Cancer, I kicked your ass.

Booyah!

...Kare

email:  karenk{at}eastlink.ca

website:  http://www.karenkyte.com

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My Happy Place | Halifax, NS, Breast Cancer Survivor

My day wasn't going so well.  I needed to mentally escape.  I wiped the tears away and laid my head in my hands.  "Go to your happy place, go to your happy place," I said to myself.

I instantly went to that day on the beach.  We were spontaneous, which is so not like either of us.  I was in the midst of radiation, and with the end of treatment in sight I was in good spirits.  I changed out of my hospital gown and into my skirt.  It was a gorgeous spring day that called for flip flops.  We left the hospital, hopped into the car, and decided to just do it - let's hit the beach.  Because we can.  

We took off our shoes and walked hand in hand.  There were very few people around and we felt like we had the beach all to ourselves.  We talked about how lucky we were.  Lucky to have found each other, lucky to be getting through treatment, lucky to have this day.  We took our time and enjoyed each others company.  We stopped and took pictures to help us remember, and I'm so glad we did.

My heart remembers the peace, the joy, the contentment.  

This is my happy place.

 

 

 

...Kare

email:  karenk{at}eastlink.ca

website:  http://www.karenkyte.com

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Mom

I've always known that I was lucky, that I have a great Mom, that she's strong and funny, that she could do anything, that she would do anything.

But until my diagnosis I didn't really get it, I didn't see the whole picture.  It's as though my diagnosis opened my eyes and turned the lights on.

Now I see this incredible woman who can get through anything... and will do it with a smile, a joke, and love.  It makes me sad that I didn't fully get it til now, that I wasn't always the easiest person to live with, that I took her for granted.

But I'm so glad that I get to tell her now!  

I love you, Mom.  Happy Birthday!  And thanks for being you... and for putting up with me.  I'm sorry for the teen years and, sadly, for the ones that followed.  Thanks for the love and support you give every single day.  Thanks for the encouragement.  Thanks for being proof that we can get through it and be thankful.  

I'm thankful for you.

xoxo

...Kare

email:  karenk{at}eastlink.ca

website:  http://www.karenkyte.com

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