My Happy Place | Halifax, NS, Breast Cancer Survivor

My day wasn't going so well.  I needed to mentally escape.  I wiped the tears away and laid my head in my hands.  "Go to your happy place, go to your happy place," I said to myself.

I instantly went to that day on the beach.  We were spontaneous, which is so not like either of us.  I was in the midst of radiation, and with the end of treatment in sight I was in good spirits.  I changed out of my hospital gown and into my skirt.  It was a gorgeous spring day that called for flip flops.  We left the hospital, hopped into the car, and decided to just do it - let's hit the beach.  Because we can.  

We took off our shoes and walked hand in hand.  There were very few people around and we felt like we had the beach all to ourselves.  We talked about how lucky we were.  Lucky to have found each other, lucky to be getting through treatment, lucky to have this day.  We took our time and enjoyed each others company.  We stopped and took pictures to help us remember, and I'm so glad we did.

My heart remembers the peace, the joy, the contentment.  

This is my happy place.

 

 

 

...Kare

email:  karenk{at}eastlink.ca

website:  http://www.karenkyte.com

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Mom

I've always known that I was lucky, that I have a great Mom, that she's strong and funny, that she could do anything, that she would do anything.

But until my diagnosis I didn't really get it, I didn't see the whole picture.  It's as though my diagnosis opened my eyes and turned the lights on.

Now I see this incredible woman who can get through anything... and will do it with a smile, a joke, and love.  It makes me sad that I didn't fully get it til now, that I wasn't always the easiest person to live with, that I took her for granted.

But I'm so glad that I get to tell her now!  

I love you, Mom.  Happy Birthday!  And thanks for being you... and for putting up with me.  I'm sorry for the teen years and, sadly, for the ones that followed.  Thanks for the love and support you give every single day.  Thanks for the encouragement.  Thanks for being proof that we can get through it and be thankful.  

I'm thankful for you.

xoxo

...Kare

email:  karenk{at}eastlink.ca

website:  http://www.karenkyte.com

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Mom's Chili | Halifax, NS

Since Jason likes my chili, I've made it a few times - and it is a hit!  Chili is chili, I'm sure every recipe is pretty similar but since we really like Mom's chili recipe, I thought I'd share...

Ingredients:

2 Cups chopped onions

3/4 Cup green pepper

2 lbs ground beef

1 - 28 oz can red kidney beans (I usually use two of the smaller cans, rinsed)

2 - 19 oz can tomatoes (we like the Italian stewed tomatoes, sometimes I throw in an extra can just for fun)

1 small can tomato paste

3 tbsp chili powder

1 tsp salt

1/2 tsp pepper

2 tbsp vinegar

1 tsp each:  garlic powder, marjoram, oregano, cumin, red cayenne powder (I don't measure any of the spices, I just shake til I think it's good)

Brown onions, peppers, and beef (pour off excess fat).  While I'm doing that on the stove, I throw everything else into the slow cooker.  Add onions, peppers, and beef to the slow cooker once they're cooked and let it all simmer for four hours (good luck with that - we usually start testing it after an hour).

xoxo

...Kare

email:  karenk{at}eastlink.ca

website:  http://www.karenkyte.com

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I Know He Loves Me | Halifax, NS, Breast Cancer Survivor

If there were ever any doubt about his love for me, it was put to rest when I was sick.  He held me when I was scared, he checked my wounds, he soothed my soul.  Somewhere in the middle of my cancer journey I realized it.  

He really does love me.

He tells me so every day.  Every single day.  He tells me.  Then he shows me.  It's in the little things he does and the little things he says.  It's in him being himself.  He gets goofy with me.  He plays.  He makes faces.  He makes me laugh.  Every day.  And I know... he is completely himself, completely trusting, completely here with me.  One hundred per cent.

He really does love me.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

xoxo

...Kare

email:  karenk{at}eastlink.ca

website:  http://www.karenkyte.com

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Life on the Hill | Sydney, NS

My great uncle, John, passed away last week.  He was the last surviving member of his family and his passing marks the end of an era for our family.  You see, they were a family of five boys who spent their lives living in spitting distance from one another.  Can you imagine spending ninety years with your brother living next door, and your other brother living next door to him, and your other brother living next door to him, and your other brother living across the street?

The brothers had two sisters, Alice and Ellen, who both passed away before they were adults.  My grandfather's mother must have been a strong, strong woman - she lost her two girls and her husband and she continued on and raised her five boys.

The boys all built homes and families of their own on Kyte's Hill.  I think now of their lives, their stories, their memories, what life must have been like for them.  We have their photos and memories of the stories we've heard, but I wish we had more.  More time, more memories, more moments to take it all in and remember it.

Life will never be the same on the hill. 

Hug the ones you're with, capture your love with a photo, write down your stories - write down their stories.

 

xoxo

...Kare

email:  karenk{at}eastlink.ca

website:  http://www.karenkyte.com

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I Let the Cat Out of the Bag | Halifax, NS

I don't cook.    Jason moved in a year and a half ago and he does most of the cooking.  Most?  All.  When it's my turn to cook, we go out for dinner.

Awhile ago, Jason starting talking about chili.  Meh, I can make chili.  I mean, I have made chili... once.  You want it, I'll make it for you.  One cold Saturday evening, I threw everything into the slowcooker and made us some fantastic chili.  It was so good, I made it a couple of weeks later, too.

Jason gave it a ten out of ten!

I was feeling domestic tonight and made an old family favourite - Carole's Chicken.  This one only scored a 7.5.  :-(  Maybe scoring my cooking wasn't such a good idea after all.

But, crap - now Jason knows I can cook.  Well, he knows I can cook chili and chicken.  I didn't think this through very well...  I'm going to have to hide my cookbook!

:-)

...Kare

email:  karenk{at}eastlink.ca

website:  http://www.karenkyte.com

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Dear Tamoxifen... | Halifax, NS, Breast Cancer Survivor

We've been seeing each other for a little over four months now.  Once a day, every day, just before bed.  I was hopeful we'd have a good relationship, nice and easy.  But now we've gone over the line and turned a corner.  Our casual relationship has turned into a love/hate relationship.

There have been changes since we've started seeing each other.  They were subtle, not all at once.  There are the hot flashes.  Luckily, they have been few and far between.  I don't sleep well, but then I didn't sleep well before you came along - thank God (and my doctor) for little blue pills that help with that.  I'm still tired - is that you?  I don't know any more.

Then there are the mood swings.  They're no picnic - for me or for Jason; luckily, he gives me the space I need and is there to pick me up when I'm ready for it.

I was warned about your side effects.  I was hopeful, though.  And I'm still optimistic that this is it, that you won't become burdensome.  Time will tell.

On the upside, you reduce my risk of recurrence by up to 50%.  You win.

...Kare

email:  karenk{at}eastlink.ca

website:  http://www.karenkyte.com

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